How often have you seen someone in a public place who you suspected from their behaviour might need help but you failed to do anything about it?
We all have the potential to be lifesavers by striking up a conversation.
It’s an important subject, especially at this time of year when the emphasis appears to be on being with others and being seen to be having a good time.
It’s normal to feel anxious about starting a conversation and making small talk. You might worry about saying the wrong thing – but having the confidence to act could help save a life.
Samaritans – the charity organisation with trained listening volunteers available 24/7 to respond to calls for help – is running a campaign in partnership with Network Rail and British Transport Police called Small Talk Saves Lives – see samaritans.org/small-talk-saves-lives
The advice is that if you think someone might need help, trust your instincts and start a simple conversation – because you could save a life.
Our reluctance to begin small talk with a stranger is natural.
Research by Samaritans reveals that only half of UK adults say they would feel confident approaching and speaking to someone they don’t know if they were concerned about them in public.
The survey also suggests that we’re more comfortable behind a screen, as people would much prefer chatting to someone they don’t know on the phone (33 per cent) or by email (18 per cent), compared to face-to-face (nine per cent).
Of those who said they wouldn’t feel confident approaching someone they don’t know, the top reasons holding them back were “worrying the person wouldn’t welcome their approach” (44 per cent) and “worrying they’d make things worse” (29 per cent), while a quarter said “not knowing what to say” was also a concern.
What should we do if we are out and about and we spot someone who appears to be struggling to cope but we are reluctant to speak to them in case they don’t need any help?
Samaritans says it’s always better to approach someone you’re worried about. Making small talk is a simple way to approach someone and find out.
Samaritans says how people act or look when they’re struggling to cope is different for everyone but there are some general signs we can look out for if we’re worried about someone:
* They look distant, withdrawn or upset.
* They appear restless, agitated or tearful.
* They’re sitting or standing alone or in an isolated spot.
For some people, several signs might apply, and for others just one or two – or none.
Samaritans says: “Trust your instincts. If someone looks out of place, is acting strangely or you just feel like something isn’t quite right, try to start a conversation.”
It can be hard to know how to approach someone who needs help. A simple question or observation can be all it takes to interrupt someone’s thoughts about taking their own life and start them on the journey to recovery.
Samaritans has these tips on how to get the conversation started:
* Approach with open and calm body language, for example with your arms unfolded, smile and make eye contact.
* Introduce yourself and ask their name.
* Ask if they’re OK, or if they need help.
* Make a small comment, for example about the weather.
* Ask a question such as “What time is it?” or “Where can I get a coffee?”
Once you’ve initiated a conversation with someone, try to encourage them to start talking.
It might be appropriate to try to move the person away from a dangerous location if you’re able to and it is safe to do so.
If they’re standing, ask them if they’d like to sit down somewhere quiet, without distractions. Ask open questions that require more than a yes/no answer – “How are you feeling?” for example.
Listen to what they have to say and repeat it back, to make them feel listened to and understood.
Ask the person if there’s someone you can call for them.
You could mention other sources of support, such as Samaritans.
It can take a while for someone who’s having difficult thoughts to realise they’re being spoken to. It might seem like they’re not listening.
But Samaritans says: “Be patient; stay in their line of sight if you can and just let them know that you’re there. When you feel ready, you can try to talk to them again.”
If the person is defensive or looks uncomfortable, either wait and try again or alert someone to help.
There’s no right or wrong way to approach someone. And you don’t need special training to help – you just need to start a conversation. Simply talking to someone and interrupting their thoughts may be all it takes to encourage them to seek support.
It’s important for you to make sure you’re OK too.
Supporting someone who’s struggling, whether you know them personally or not, can be distressing – especially if that person is in danger of taking their own life or harming themselves.
So give yourself time to rest and process what’s happened.
Talk about how you’re feeling to someone you trust. You could call Samaritans yourself if you need to talk things through.
Samaritans’ volunteers are available day and night to talk to everyone about anything that’s troubling them. The number is 116 123 and calls are free.
For details of the Small Talk Saves Lives campaign in partnership with Network Rail and British Transport Police and to see the latest campaign video, visit samaritans.org/small-talk-saves-lives
Samaritans is always looking for volunteers, whether as listeners who answer calls and messages from people who need someone to talk to, or fundraisers and events volunteers – perhaps as a cheerer, photographer or massage therapist who supports Samaritans’ fundraisers at events such as the London Marathon. For details, visit samaritans.org/support-us